Finally.....the scale moveth.

I was beginning to suspect that my scale was broken. I've weighed in at 177.6 or 177.4 every day since the 18th. For eleven days....gah. Even the morning after I'd gone out with friends and indulged in (gluten free) pizza and ice cream....177.6.

The scale finally moved this morning. 176.2. Hooray. I seriously doubt I'm going to make my May 1st goal of 174 - two pounds in just two days - but still, 176 will put me at a loss of 8 pounds in April. And I'm very nearly back to where I was before plateau - hand surgery - worst winter ever. It's frustrating to be at the same weight I was back in August (August!) but at least I didn't allow things to spiral completely out of control and I've gotten back at this pretty easily.


Interesting. I was looking back at my old tracking numbers and last year I also got stuck in the 176 - 178 range. Maybe that is my body's "We like it here" place?

To influence

influence (noun) a power affecting a person, thing, or course of events, especially one that operates without any direct or apparent effort

When I shared the pics from my recent "photo shoot" on facebook, I got A LOT of comments. A few people commented on the fabulous outfits and the crazy poses; more people commented about my weight loss. Most of my facebook friends aren't people who see me on a regular basis. And a lot of my facebook friends are people I went to high school with, and in our small town that meant that we knew each other from kindergarten through senior year. I've been fat since the third grade so the image most of those people have of me is FAT.

In response to all those comments on my weight loss, I explained my weight loss secret (which isn't as profound as it may sound). Forty people "liked" that post and more than a few people mentioned that my weight loss success is influencing them to work on their own health and fitness.

And my friend Ms. Lierre felt moved to write her own blog post about my facebook status. You can read that HERE. In her blog post she also mentions a book that has been instrumental to her in her pursuit to lose some weight - French Women Don't Get Fat. And if I know Ms. Lierre, this book is fabulous. I simply adore her taste in books, food, fashion, design, music.....basically everything! I must get my hands on a copy of this book soonest.

(sidenote: Ms. Lierre and I are internet friends; I don't even remember how we discovered each other and we've never met in person. But I strongly suspect that if we didn't live on opposite sides of the country, we'd totally be bffs.)

Before & after

(I'm kinna photo obsessed this week. Sorry.)

Here's a before & after shocker.

One picture is from five years ago when I got together with my two best friends from high school. We're planning to get together again soon so I dug out this photo and was horrified. Egads, I look ridiculously bad!

The other pic is from the photo shoot I did with my sil on Monday.

I'm about the same weight in the Fat Photo as I was in January when I started losing; I was maybe a bit higher. There's a difference of roughly 60 pounds between the two pictures.

Back to Basics in September

The Back to Basics challenge is being hosted by Brooke of Not on a Diet. You can read all about it HERE. The challenge is mostly geared towards Weight Watchers participants (which I am not) but I thought taking part would provide some support as I focus on adjusting some things in my life in September.

On January 1st, I (like thousands of other people) made a list of resolutions. Some of those resolutions I've been successful at, such as losing weight. I'm only about 20 pounds from goal....wheee! But the other resolutions? Not so much.

My purpose in setting those resolutions was to pursue wellness in all areas of my life - physical, mental, emotional, etc. I don't want to just get skinny; I want to be happy and balanced.

In September, I want to get back to diligently doing what has worked well for my weight loss: meal planning, calorie counting, and food logging. I've become neglectful of this and I need to get back to it before my scale punishes me for being a slacker. And I also want to focus on some other things that I believe are necessary for my overall well-being.

So, my goals for the month are.....

#1

FOOD LOG

Plan my meals weekly, calculate them on sparkpeople.com, and post a daily food log on the blog.

#2

EXERCISE

My "exercise routine" so far this year has mostly been running. And, honestly, I haven't even done as much of that as I should have. I would like to be my usual overachieving self and say that I'm going to exercise every day during September, or that I'm finally going to conquer the 30 Day Shred, or something equally ridiculous. Instead, I'm going to keep it simple: 2 days each week of some sort of toning/strength training. That's it. Just two days. I can do that, can't I?

#3

QUIT SMOKING

I've been trying to do this since January 1st. (Yeah, I've been running while I'm still a smoker. Stupid, much?) I've tried tapering off and have gotten to a point a few different times where I'd only be smoking about 5 a day. I never quit entirely, though, and I always seemed to find myself back to smoking a pack a day. The company I work for is instituting a no smoking policy on September 1st - no smoking anywhere on the property, not even in your own car. So that's 9 hours a day, 3 days a week, when I absolutely will have to be smoke-free. So this seems like a good time to go cold turkey and just freakin' STOP ALREADY. 

#4

CLEAN THE HOUSE

Clutter. Everywhere in my house there is CLUTTER. This year has been chaotic and my house really reflects it. I desperately need to do a mad purge-and-clean. I'm not a lazy slob. I'm really not. I just have difficulty reigning in the messes once they start to become unmanageable. I need to implement a cleaning routine, maybe something like this. 

#5

ORGANIZE RECIPES

I have several thousand recipes pinned on pinterest. Some I've tried, most I haven't. I want to somehow permanently save the ones I've really liked - possibly printing them out and placing them in a binder. I also want to create an indexed list of the ones that I need to try. Also, I need to decide which of my cookbooks I really need to keep, because who even uses cookbooks anymore? I don't think I've opened any of mine in about five years. 

#6

BE CREATIVE

I've been woefully neglectful of pursuing creative endeavors this year. Some specifics things I want to do in September:

1. Writing. Last November, I participated in NaNoWriMo. The purpose of that event is to write 50,000 words of a novel. Instead I wrote several short stories. I intended to edit/rewrite them and possibly submit some for publication. I haven't even looked at them since December 1st. My goal for September is to work on edits of just one of those stories and research possible publication markets for it.

2. Art. The local art association is offering a class that combines art with body movement. The purpose is to "recognize bodies as art and our art as something that we embody." You can visit the instructor's website HERE. This sounds so fabulous! There are several obstacles that I'd have to work around in order to participate but I'm certainly going to try. If I'm unable to take the class, I'll get out my art supplies and make something. I used to do a lot of art journaling, so I think my goal for September (if I don't take the class) will be to make two journal pages.

3. Knitting. My mother gave me knitting lessons at the beginning of the year. I loved it, and I really want to start doing it again. Goal for the month: one day of knitting with mom. Not ALL day, but - you know - several hours.

TO RECAP

1. Food log daily.
2. Exercise (toning/strength training) two days per week.

3. Quit smoking.

4. Purge-and-clean and implement a cleaning routine.
5. Organize recipes.

6. Be creative. 

a. Edit one short story and research markets for it.

b. Take art class or make two art journal pages.

c. One day of knitting with my mother.

THE REWARDS

Mary Kay lipstick in "Red." I tried this at a Mary Kay party and it is my perfect colour.

I've had two cameras die in the last two years. I keep telling myself I'm going to save up to buy a really nice one but that never seems to happen. Not having a camera is making me batty so I just need to buy something reasonably priced that will be good enough for now.

Mum Fest! 20,000 mums. Arts & crafts. Library book sale. I've always wanted to go to this but every year I make excuses not to. 

The real shape of things

Am I the only one who thinks their body is a total freak of nature and who believes that all other women surely look like this?

I've developed a weird weight loss problem: my left breast is shrinking but my right breast is exactly the same size as it was 55 pounds ago. I mean, it's not even like comparing a cantaloupe and a slightly smaller cantaloupe. No, it's more like comparing a cantaloupe and an apple. (And we're not even going to discuss the whole change in shape/structure issue caused by age and weight loss.)  Firm and round and perky and symmetrical, as pictured above, are not words that can used to describe my breasts.

I was lamenting about this on the 3FC forum and someone shared this link for an art exhibit that celebrates the true shape of women's bodies, like this picture:

Sure, there are a few women - with good genes (and/or a great surgeon) - who look like Bikini Girl up there. But the real shape of things? Most of us look like the women who were used as models for the art exhibit. We're saggy and bumpy and uneven, and everyone of us is a unique kind of beautiful. Go look at those pics...and then go look in the mirror and tell yourself that you're amazing!

I'm smaller than you?

Today I wore a pair of too-big slacks to work because I desperately need to do laundry and really didn't have a lot of options. They kept sliding down my hips and my manager noticed and was joking about it. And at the end of the day she told me she had a couple pairs of pants that were a little too snug for her that I could have if I wanted/needed them. I was kinna like, "Yeah, right" because there is no way I am smaller than her.

I asked her what size they are and she told me that they are 12s, but she's currently wearing 14s. Her 12s should definitely fit me because my comfortable pants are 11s and 12s. I really can't believe I'm smaller than her. She's maybe a teensy bit chubby but well within a range I would consider normal. Is that what I look like to people? Basically normal....instead of ridiculously fat? I'm a bit flabbergasted by the concept.

The difference blows my mind

A friend recently (finally!) posted some pics from our Girls Night Out back in May. I did a side-by-side collage with one of those photos and one from my brother's wedding two years ago. Absolutely freakin' crazy.

And since that photo was taken in May, I've lost 15 more pounds. The changes continue to astound. This is SO WORTH IT.

Goal! 50 pounds lost!

Finally! I made my goal of losing 50 pounds. I didn't think I'd EVER get here. But HOORAY I weighed in this morning at 175.2.

The scale was moving steadily downward, but then it took me six weeks to lose 3.6 pounds. June and July were just a million kinds of horrible. Even with that slow down, I still averaged about 1.5 pounds lost per week. (50 pounds in 32 weeks = 1.56).

My new (and probably final) goal is 150. If I can keep up the trend of 1.5 pounds loss per week, it will take me about 16 weeks (4 months) to lose these last 25 pounds. That puts me on track for being at Final Goal by Thanksgiving week. Fingers crossed!

June: The Month in Which I Failed

June. June was a bad month on an epic scale.

At first I thought I just needed a break from the whole dieting-food log-exercise thing, as I described in this post. It turns out it was more than that. I spiraled into a depression like I haven't dealt with in months...one of those times when you feel like life is just running you over and it's all just too exhausting and complicated. There's no THING that causes these depression. They just ARE.

I didn't eat too terribly. It was more like skating on the near-edge of On Plan. But I did have to log a weight gain on two different weeks, which I haven't had to do since beginning this journey in January. And my total loss for the month was only 3 pounds. *le sigh*

I did get in a few runs, including the fabulously fun Color Run 5K (which I wrote about in this post). Running definitely helps to battle the Depression Beast.

I'm finally feeling a bit better and I'm hoping (believing!) that July will be a much better month.

When to Eat

There have been a few discussions on 3FC about when people eat their largest meal, as well as topics about to eat or not to eat breakfast. Invariably, it seems that many people skip breakfast and eat most of their daily calories at dinner. I found this poll on fitsugar.com, and it seems that people answered the question the same as they do on 3FC.

This article that accompanies the poll on fitsugar states that

• eating breakfast is important because it jump starts your metabolism
• you should eat your largest meal at lunch so you have time to burn off the calories
• eating too late in the day can affect your body in ways that interfere with the fat burning benefits of a restful sleep.

Bob Harper's Skinny Rules (which you can read HERE) also encourage people to eat a large breakfast and go to bed hungry.

So, I wonder....why do so many people function well - and lose weight - by skipping breakfast and eating a large dinner? I know it doesn't work for me.

If I don't eat an adequate amount within a short time after waking, I drag. A lot. And the one time my weight loss slowed down was before I tinkered with my calorie allotment and started eating less in the evening. I have no trouble sleeping when I'm hungry, but I'm not able to function during the day if I need food.

I'm guessing it might have something to do with variables in people's life schedules. If you get up at 8 am, and go sit at a desk in an office for a few hours before eating lunch, you might be okay skipping breakfast. (I get up at 4:30 am and have put in a hard half day's work before I eat lunch). And if you eat a large dinner at 6 pm, then hit the gym, and don't go to bed until midnight, those dinner calories would be necessary. (I go to bed about two to three hours after dinner, and usually don't do anything strenuous during that time.)

What about you? Are you part of the majority who skips breakfast and eats a big dinner? Or are you more like me in your eating habits?

Good news!

I lost 3.2 pounds this week! That is far and away the most I've lost in one week thus far. I can't believe I only have about 12 pounds to go to my goal of losing 50 pounds. Woa.

New hairstyle plus losing weight equals the awesomeness of people not recognizing you. Many people at work said they had to do a double take to even realize it was me. Two co-workers told me that people from other departments asked them who the "new girl" was. I ran into someone from high school and she gasped, "You look so different! You've lost a lot of weight! And you look so young!" And a regular customer looked puzzled when I remembered his usual order. I told him that of course I knew what he wanted because he always gets the same thing. He continued to look puzzled for a moment, and then his eyes widened and he said, "Oh, wow. I didn't even know who you were."

AND....after two years as working as a temp at Job 1, I'm getting hired in on June 1. It will still only be part time so I'll have to keep Job 2, but hooray for job security! Plus, I'm getting a $2/hr raise. Woohoo.

I am a very happy girl right now!

Uncharted

I weighed in this morning at 189.6.  I have no memory of the last time I was in the 180s. Maybe the first years of high school? Junior high school? Yeah, it's been a very long time. I'm in uncharted territory.


I'm going down, 
Follow if you want, 
I won't just hang around, 
Like you'll show me where to go, 
I'm already out of foolproof ideas, so don't ask me how 
To get started, it's all uncharted.

I don't even know how to feel about this. This is a bigger deal for me than Onederland.

New 'do and almost 180s

I planned to get a new hairstyle when I hit Onederland. But two friends and I decided to have a Girls Night Out at the salon, so I didn't get my new 'do until yesterday. Totally LOVING my new hair!

And when I saw the photo the stylist took, I thought she must have just got a great angle for my face. However, we took several more photos during the evening and I realized that my face really does look like this. I think the last ten pounds I've lost have all come off my face!

Here's a side-by-side comparison. On the left is from last night, weight 190. On the right is from March 30 at 201 pounds.

6 weeks. 11 pounds.

Size....what?!?!

This week there are several days when the weather forecast shows the temps will be in the high 70s. Hooray! I LOVE summer! I LOVE warm weather! But...we don't have air conditioning at work. The heat doesn't bother me but it definitely requires the appropriate wardrobe. 

A few weeks ago I picked up a few pairs of shorts at the thrift shop that I hoped would fit by mid-May, which is when I expected the weather to change. Obviously, summer is arriving a bit earlier than I had planned. I decided to try on those shorts today just in case I might be able to wear them this week. 

Oh, they fit! Guess what size they are?

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am now the very happy wearer of SIZE 12! That's freakin' off the awesomeness chart. The pair of mens size 36 shorts fits as well. One good thing about being man-shaped (no hips, no butt) is that mens clothing fits me too.  (Weirdly, my size 13 jeans don't fit yet. Isn't 13 bigger than 12? Math fail.)

So, yeah. Lovin' the sunshine and rockin' the SIZE 12s!

 

Not a great week

30DS Epic Fail and the Pants Problem

I excitedly began the 30 Day Shred. And then I almost died.

I made it through Day 6. I was doing it four days a week, so I only lasted a week and a half. During that time, I also ran twice. I have never hurt so much in my whole entire life. I think it was a combination of Too Much Too Soon, and the fact that both of my jobs are moderately active and require me to be on my feet for the entire shift.

I'm really not sure what to do about exercise at this point. I desperately need to do some toning, especially in the tummy, because I'm having serious pants problems.

My size 15 jeans are barely staying on. I spend all day long hitching them up as they attempt to slide down to my ankles. (Annoying, much?) I have two pairs of jeans that are size 13 which fit great EXCEPT.....serious disgusting unbearable muffin top. There's just too much flab.

(I tried on a few pair of size 14 jeans at the store but seriously? Who is shaped like that? Either the waistband comes up to my neck or the crotch hangs down to my knees. Junior sizes fit me much better than misses sizes! I do have one pair of dress slacks in size 14 which are lower rise and fit okay, but they are starting to get very balloon-y in the legs, butt, and hips.)

I'm thinking maybe I can just do the abs portion of 30DS and skip all the up-down, standing-lying, and lunges and stuff. And keep running (as the weather allows) maybe two days a week so I have some hope of not dying at the Color Run in June. (Only six weeks until race day. OMG.)

Argh. The fatness.

When to weigh

I've been debating about how frequently I should be checking my weight. I know weight fluctuates from day to day and for some people this can be a reason for a total freakout. But my thinking is: what if you only weigh once a week and that day happens to be a day when the number is up a tad? You have no way of knowing if you've had a bad day or a bad week.

I had planned to hide the scale when I hit 199 and not check my weight for a week or two. My main reason for wanting to do this is because I'm starting some hardcore exercise - 30 Day Shred four days a week, cardio two days a week - and my body tends to hold onto a lot of fluids to repair muscles and such. I think if I saw a 2-- on the scale, I'd cry.

But....what if I don't weigh until April 15 (as I'd planned) and I find out that I've gained like 20 pounds or something? (Ok, that's not a realistic number, but it makes my point.)

I'm totally undecided what to do. I like the daily weigh-ins to keep me on track, but I don't want to see the momentary gains that will result from an increase in exercise.

Onederland, 3DS, and a tiny triumph

I made it to Onederland! Hooray! I started the 30 Day Shred. Ow!

And I found out today at work that we're having a breakfast meeting next week. Oy. The easiest thing to do would be to just eat before instead of at the meeting but that would be rude and weird and awkward. But what if it's what a lot of people consider breakfast food - muffins, pastries, pancakes, etc.? Then I wouldn't be able to eat anyway and I'd be starving.

So, I did the smart - but scary - thing: I told my supervisor that I'm on restricted diet and needed to know if there is any way that can be accommodated. She was very polite and professional and didn't ask for any details. She just said she'd contact human resources about it. Later she told me that hr will provide me with the planned menu and the name of a contact at the restaurant who I can call with any questions. And if there is absolutely nothing on the planned menu that I can eat I am allowed to arrange with the restaurant for a special meal. Sometimes it's the tiny triumphs that make us happiest.

What fat looks like

Analyzing past diet attempts

I've been thinking back to previous diet attempts in order to puzzle out what did and didn't work.

In 2005-2006 I lost 75 pounds (from 273 to 198). The first half (2005) was "accidental" - a result of illness and crazy life stuffs. The second half (2006) was more intentional, though I wasn't tracking or counting anything. Based on memory, I think I was eating low carb and wheat free. And I exercised 5 or 6 days a week, mostly doing water aerobics but a few other things also. The weight came off pretty effortless until I hit the 190s and then I stalled. Why did it stop working? My guesses are that I needed to lower my caloric intake and switch up the exercise routine.

In 2010 I lost 32 pounds (from 240 to 208). I have pretty detailed records from this weight loss attempt. I lost the first 20 or so quite easily by going wheat free and monitoring my calories. Then I added wheat back to my diet. I started running, and I was subtracting exercise calories from my daily total. If I ate 1,900 calories and burned 500 calories I'd log it as 1,400 calories. I really struggled to lose ten more pounds over the next six months. I probably wasn't burning as much from exercise as I thought I was so I most likely was eating too many calories. And the only exercise I did was running, so there was no variation in my routine. My daily carbs were usually between 100-120, which is lower than most people consume but probably too high for me. Wheat is an obvious culprit as well.

So I'm thinking that to continue the weight loss that has been effortless thus far I need to:

• Continue to monitor calories. My only concern is that I'm currently eating about 1,300 calories so I don't really have much room to decrease calories if I need to. Maybe once I start running I'll be more hungry and want more which will give me more room to decrease if necessary. 
• Continue to keep carb intake below 70. Lower it to 50ish if needed. 
• Continue to avoid wheat. I may start adding some wheat free things if I can do so and stay under my carb allowance. 
• Add some exercise (I've really not been doing any exercise at all) and not get stuck in a workout routine.