Fear of Onederland

No...not Wonderland (although the Red Queen does freak me out). ONEderland. That magical place in weight loss where the scale finally reads 199.

When I lost weight in 2006, I got to somewhere in the 190s. I don't remember an exact number because I wasn't weighing regularly, but I do remember a day when I stepped on the scale and it said 19(something) and I thought, "Holy crap, where'd the 2 go?"

And then I hit a wall.

I'd been buying clothes every few weeks because I was changing sizes so quickly, but all of a sudden that stopped. I wore the same clothes for months. I dropped calories. I increased exercise. Nothing happened. Frustration abounded.

Then some crazy life changes happened that would have required me to make some major adjustments in order to stick with the diet/exercise routine I'd been following. And it just was not worth it. So I gave up. And I over the next four years, I gained 42 pounds.

Onederland is looming on the horizon. I'm about six pounds away. I'll be there in just a few weeks. And I'm terrified that wall is there, lurking, waiting for me.

My strategy is to try to slip right by the wall. Maybe it won't notice me if I can just tiptoe on over to 189.

As soon as I hit 199, I'm putting away the scale and running away for a month-long romance with Jillian.

If anybody can help me demolish that wall, it's Jillian. She's fierceness. Maybe I won't magically skip right through the 190s in 30 days. But at least it will be a month of not living in a constant state of Onderland anxiety and wigging out every single morning when I step on the scale.

BANISH FEAR.