I don't want to be blind

As I've mentioned in a few other posts, I really don't have much of a concept of myself, physically. I don't think of myself in terms of ugly or pretty or fat or thin. But I'm coming to realize that this is just as unhealthy as having a negative self-image.

Recently I was talking with some friends and we were discussing familial resemblance - who in our families we most look like. During the course of the conversation I said something that I've always thought but never really stopped to consider, "My sister is the pretty one. I'm just...the other one." My friends were a bit shocked. They couldn't believe that I didn't think I was as pretty as my sister. Really?

And a week or so ago I changed my profile picture on facebook to one of the recent ones that my sil took when I was very nearly in Onderland. Now, I've changed my profile pic numerous times in the past and in general didn't get much of a response - like maybe 4 or 5 "likes" or replies. But when I changed it last week almost FIFTY people liked it! And I'm just sitting here wondering what on earth everyone is seeing in that pic that caused such a reaction. Because all I can see is me. Just ordinary unremarkable not pretty not ugly me.

Then this morning someone posted this on the 3FC forum:

 "Why are we so blind to the beauty that the people who love US can see? Maybe it is because we are not outside of ourselves, watching the sunlight move through our hair or light up our eyes. We can never truly replicate in the mirror the way we look when we smile genuinely or laugh without restraint. We cannot see the subtle ways our bodies move when we lean in to embrace someone with passion. Or, how full of wonder or frustration we may appear with our noses buried in a favorite book. So, we cannot be the best judges of our beauty or expect our perceptions to be accurate....can we?"

I actually cried a bit when I read that. And I read it again. And again. Because the truth is, there is something AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL about me. When people see me, they see the living breathing laughing loving beauty that fills me and surrounds me. And I think I need to remember that every time I look in the mirror. I don't want to be blind to the beauty that other people can see.