Just being honest

I've lost weight. I'm eating healthy (usually). I'm exercising (sometimes). I should feel 100% fabulous, right? But....no. And I've been lying to myself (and everyone else) about that.

Back in June I suffered a depressive episode (which I mentioned in this post). It wasn't completely debilitating but it was bad. I so wished it be over at the end of that month but it really wasn't. I've continued to be in that place where everything is just too complicated and exhausting. That place where just the daily basics - eating, showering, going to work - are almost more than I can handle.

And, is always the case, I wasn't even aware of how bad it was. It's like my brain quickly adapts to the heaviness and darkness as "normal." Until the depression goes away, and life is fun again, and it's like there are suddenly an extra 12 hours in every day.

I've basically lost four months of this year. Four months when I was not "doing life" because I was just barely existing. That's pretty scary when I really stop to think about it.

At this point, all I know to do is to acknowledge that my depression is real and it truly is a problem. I need to develop a strategy to combat it. I do not want to resort to medical/pharmaceutical intervention but I'm not sure what other options there are.

For now, I'm just going to happily get back to tracking my food and eating right and exercising. And maybe in October I'll accomplish some of those goals I set for myself at the beginning of September.

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